RAINBOW POLITICS

Delbert and Willy were sitting on the front porch whittling and sipping beer.

“Blues.”

“What?”

“Blues, I said.”

“Booze?”

“No, Blues, Blues, Blues!”

“Oh, Blues… You feeling poorly?”

“No, I feel great.”

“Then why did you say you have the blues?”
“I didn’t say I had the blues… I just said ‘Blues’!”
“Well OK, why did you say that?”

“I’ve been thinking about which political party to join… trying to decide which one is just right for me.”
“Oh, why didn’t you say so! Then you think the Blues are for you?”
“Well, none of them fit perfect, buy I think the Blues come closest.”
“Why’s that?”

“Well, as you probably know, the Blues stand for honesty and truth. I can relate to that.”
“Sounds good. But I don’t see how you can mix a political party with truth and honesty. Seems like a contradiction to me.”
“Oh I know, but at least the blues are trying.”
“Yeah, you’re right, it’s worth a try.”
“For a while I was tempted to join the Whites. I like their motto of goodness and purity.”
“Yeah, but they seem a bit ‘goodie-goodie’ don’t you think?”
“That’s why I finally decided on the Blues. It wasn’t easy… there’s a lot of choices these days.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean, ain’t like it used to be. In the old days there was just left and right, democrats and republicans.”
“There were more parties than just the democrats and republicans, but the others seemed like they were either left or right, still only two choices.”
“I get confused about all the new parties. There’s so many I can’t begin to remember what each stands for.”
“Actually it’s easy. If you understand the basic colors you can figure out the rest.”
“Oh, how’s that?”

“Think of the three primary colors… red, yellow and blue. Those were the first ‘color’ parties. The Reds were mad as hell and weren’t going to take it anymore, the Yellows were for sound money through the gold standard, and the Blues cherished truth and honesty.”
“I know that much, but why are there so many color parties? And how do you figure out the rest?”
“Just like left and right didn’t fit everybody, the first three colors wasn’t enough for the millions of people with all kinds of political views. So splinter groups formed. Some people weren’t quite mad enough to join the Reds so they formed the Pink party.”
“Wait a minute… you’re going too fast for me. You mean all these new groups named themselves after different mixes of the primary colors?”
“Yes, at first they did. Then later some groups revolted against this and picked their colors arbitrarily.”
“Is that when the Whites and Blacks came along?”
“Exactly! Remember the debate over whether white or black is the presence or absence of color?”
“Yeah, isn’t white all the colors and black the absence of color?”
“Correct. The whites thought they could form a broad coalition under the white banner. I mean, who could be against purity and goodness? The Blacks reject the whole system and advocate anarchy. Heck, they don’t hold conventions or create political platforms… they hardly even talk to each other!”
“Hmmm… That kinda makes sense. But isn’t there a Chrome party? Where do they fit in?”
“The Chromes are ‘high-tech’ people who advocate simple living through technology.”
“Wait a minute, I thought the Greens were for simple living and environmentalism!”
“That’s true, the Greens are for simple living with low technology and the Chromes are for simple living with high technology.”
“Now I’m really confused!”

“It’s really easy, it just depends on what kind of simple living you want to do.”
“Alright, I guess I understand. But what about all them other funny colors?”
“You mean the Lavenders, the Browns, the Purples, the Greys…”
“I never heard of them parties. What are they for?”
“It’s easy to know if you think of colors and their traditional associations. The Lavenders advocate free sex, any kind of sex. The Browns, of course, are very much into discipline and orderliness; they have many followers. The Purples long for tradition and hope to bring back an aristocracy where everyone knows their place.”
“Aristocracy? Who’d want that?”

“Oh, lots of folks… when their new order is achieved they will be the aristocrats and everyone else will be peasants.”
“Yeah, I see what you mean.”

“The Greys are the most interesting. They seem to be philosophers, who are not so sure about anything. They’re reluctant to take a stand until all angles have been thoroughly analyzed. They have yet to announce a platform-can’t get a consensus.”
“You mean they’re ‘still thinking about it’?”
“Right. Every time they grind out a popular proposal a new color group forms and incorporates it as their own program.”
“You aren’t going to tell me there are shades of grey parties, and all the color mixes?”
“How’d you guess? Precisely-this is the logical extension of the democratic process. Some estimate there are over 200 million parties if you count each shade and hue.”
“But there’s only about 200 million people in the whole country! That means that almost every individual in America has his own party and platform, distinct from everybody else! You know, now that you have explained it to me, I think I like rainbow politics.”
“Really? Why do you say that?”

“Didn’t you say there were potentially 200 million political parties in our country of 200 million people?”
“Well, yes-it seems to be headed that way.”
“Good. If we have 200 million political parties and 200 million people, then wouldn’t it be impossible for any particular group to achieve a consensus?”
“Well yes, obviously that would be impossible.”
“Then, in the spirit of democracy, if there is no consensus, there is no justification for any ‘one person’ party to rule another ‘one person party’…! I think I’ll choose a color!”